Slow Down And Count The Results
We all know what happens when you try to call the result too soon. A reminder to slow down and take a good, honest look at all that you’ve lost and won this year.
Welp. We’ve got fewer than 60 days ‘til the end of the year. What are your goals?
Look. I’m not gonna hassle you about year-end goals right now. Now is not the time for goals. It’s the time for a slow count.
(You see what I did there?)
I'll be honest. I had absolutely no faith in you people when it came to this year’s election.
Take a good look around at the things you have now that you didn't have before. Pay special attention to the things that aren't there any longer - because it was time for them to go.
I didn’t think we’d pull it off. I thought the bad outnumbered the good, and I was resigned to what that meant for me. For the country.
It’s kind of the same way I’ve been thinking about this year. I.e.,
‘Oh, 2020 has been terrible! 2020 has brought so much drama and suffering.’
Which is true. But it isn’t THE truth.
It is true that there are way too many people in this country who continue to represent the worst in us. This year’s nail-biting election made that fact very clear. But THE truth is:
Georgia is a blue state.
A ‘Blasian’ female HBCU graduate is the next VP of the United States.
And the biggest narcissist I’ve ever seen has been dethroned from his seat of power.
Go slow Now, so you can go fast Later.
So… yeah. No goals right now. We’ve done enough. You’ve done enough.
Let’s pull out those receipts instead.
Now is the time to take a look at what you've actually accomplished. What you made it through. What you triumphed over. What you transformed. What transformed you.
Take a good look around at the things you have now that you didn't have before. Pay special attention to the things that aren't there any longer - because it was time for them to go.
And if there are any unnecessary things that are still hanging around… well, just be sure to get rid of any and every thing you don't want to carry into your future by the end of this year.
Because the future is just around the corner. And it doesn’t have time to wait.
In the next post: How to Do Your Own Year-End Review
The last generation
What happens when the season’s last generation of monarch butterflies finds the climate unsuitable? They migrate.
I planted milkweed in my backyard last year because it attracts monarch butterflies.
This spring and summer I was treated to daily visitations from the lovely creatures, flitting from leaf to flower and floating off to other parts of the yard.
A few weeks ago, I visited a friend who also grows milkweed. They’d harvested some of the late-season leaves and had begun to incubate butterfly pupa from the larvae that were on the leaves.
A week later, I discovered my own milkweed covered in caterpillars!
My research on the soon-to-be butterflies brought an interesting revelation.
The last generation
In a single year, 3 generations of monarchs will experience life in my backyard. But the 3rd generation, the last generation, will leave shortly after it sprouts wings in early fall. The climate by then - which was suitable for the previous generations - will have grown too cold, and it will use its innate knowledge to hasten on from its birthplace to a place where it can live out its life in a more hospitable climate.
Mexico, maybe.
As the climate in the US continues to become more surreal, less… hospitable, I can’t help but wonder if this generation - my generation - will be the last generation to remain here for good. Or, will we even begin to seek out places to live outside of the States where we can spread our wings a bit more freeely.
Mexico, maybe.
Remembering Malcolm
What Malcolm taught me about leadership. And continual evolution.
I’ve been meditating a lot on leadership lately.
On what it means, on how you come to be one, on the leaders I respect and admire.
It’s not for nothing. I’ve been in a leadership training class at work for almost 6 months now. So it’s a theme that I’m engrossed in regularly. I remember one of the first questions posed to the class of middle and senior managers: Are leaders born or made?
It seemed an obvious answer to me. Leaders are made. It was therefore quite surprising to see an unexpected number of my classmates respond that leaders are born that way. It revealed more than I cared to explore at that time.
In a different leadership session, with a different group of people, we were asked to bring 2 pictures of leaders who inspired us. I brought a picture of this man. Provocative, yes. But true.
A photo of a young Malcolm X, smiling
Malcolm has been an inspirational example of leadership for me since I read his autobiography in high school. Primarily because he and his life is a testament that becoming a leader is a process, perhaps a neverending one, but definitely one that will require you to stretch beyond your current boundaries, master a new level of skills and discipline, use that to accomplish great things, and then repeat the cycle again.
In his early life, Malcolm was an orphan, a pimp, a numbers runner, a thief, a convict. When that life had taken him as far as it could, a new life possibility was presented to him. He accepted and became a scholar, an orator, a community organizer, a husband, a father, a hero to some, and a villainous nuisance to others. When he was effectively cast out of that life, Malcolm was forced yet again to create a new life for himself - the first one he would create of his own volition, not just as a reaction to his environment and circumstances. It’s this life that we know the least about, because it was cut short before he could bring his newly defined self into full existence.
At each stage of his life, however, Malcolm was a leader. He distinguished himself among both lowlifes and high-born with a natural charisma and a willingness to ‘take the weight’. So, then... are leaders like Malcolm born? Or are they made?
We are all born with everything that we need to achieve greatness. But we must be made ready through the experiences life presents us and the ways we respond to them. This is the lesson that Malcolm Little, aka Detroit Red, aka Satan, aka, Malcolm X, aka, El Hajj Malik El Shabazz taught me.
It’s the reason why I brought a picture of him into a corporate classroom, and it’s one of the many reasons that I, and many others will take a few moments of time today to celebrate the anniversary of his birth.
Happy birthday, brother Malcolm.
Note to self: no one is coming to save you
The beginning of my notes to self series - lessons for powerful black women of every age.
No one is coming to save you.
You will be at your most empowered when you have the least support and encouragement. When it seems like there is no one who sees, hears or understands you or what must be done. When you realize that you are the only one who can or will. There is no mystical savior, no knight in shining armor, no benevolent benefactor that’s going to appear and solve all your problems, right all the wrongs done against you, or provide all that you need.
You are happily ever after.
You are the man of your dreams.
You are your own salvation.
So stop. Fucking. Waiting.
Read: ‘The Little Red Hen
Kisha Solomon is an Atlanta-based writer, knowledge worker and serial expat. She writes witty, poignant stories about the lessons she’s learned from her life, work and travels. She deals with the sometimes frustrating and often humorous side effects of being black, female and nerdy. When she’s not writing working or travelling, you can find her in deep conversation with herself or her four-legged familiar, Taurus the Cat. www.lifeworktravels.com
Easter in quarantine
It’s an odd Easter this year. But the religious season reminds me that this time is holy because it highlights a universal truth: death and life are 2 sides of the same coin.
Of the Christian holidays, Easter is my favorite.
Not only is it the most Christian - I mean the entire point of jesus being a big deal is the whole crucifixion and resurrection bit, right? - it is also the most pagan. Or at least the most syncretized.
At Easter, the themes of betrayal, sacrifice, death and rebirth play out in the foreground, while in the background, the Passover theme of being spared from plague and death by dutiful sacrifice underscores the mood and meaning of this time. Encompassing all of this is nature’s cycle of life-death-life that Spring reminds us of.... what has been silent and dark and dormant for months, is now returning to light and life.
From the Easter-Passover legends and rituals we extract the archetypal understanding that the sacrifice of a seemingly small, but not completely insignificant thing is often required for broader salvation, for the entire community to continue its existence. The Paschal lamb is a recurring symbol that embodies this notion of a demonstrable price that must be paid so that death knows it can claim nothing from those who have paid it.
It’s an odd Easter this year. Any other time, i would have already had my menu planned, my part-pagan, part-christian themed decor set up, the backyard trimmed and pretty, and a smattering of close friends with open invites to stop by as the spirit moves them. None of that will be going down this Sunday. Well, maybe not none of it. I still plan to make a nice spring-like meal for myself, but, given the current ‘plague’, the celebration will be a solitary one. I’ve got big plans to play in the dirt today, to participate in the life-bringing that the season calls for by planting new things around my backyard. There will certainly be music and plenty of light as Spring is already showing off here in Atlanta. And there will undoubtedly be sacrifice. The sacrifice of remaining in place, of giving up a little bit of my normal to help ensure that the entire community can continue its existence. It’s a small, but not insignificant price.
The religious season reminds me that this time is holy because it highlights a universal truth that extends beyond religion or denomination: death and life are 2 sides of the same coin. In celebrating one, we celebrate the other. And through our sacrifice, we ensure that life will continue for all of us... even as it transforms us and beckons us to continue our individual and collective evolution.
Happy Easter, chirren. 🙂
The Gift of the Magi - Attention Must Be Paid in 2020
The 3 wise men are a reminder that when we see a sign, we should not only sit up and take notice, but also take action.
So it’s officially the end of the Christmas season. Time to pull down the decorations, turn off the twinkling lights and live with the newfound knowledge that the spirit of God made flesh is among us and within us.
I particularly enjoy the mythology and meaning of the feast of the Epiphany, the story of the three wise kings – those men of ancient science and religion, in a time when there was little difference between the two – who saw an astrological sign that not only made them sit up and take notice, but also take action. To travel from their faraway homes to a place where they knew something significant had happened, and to make sure that they didn’t show up empty handed. To me, this story says a lot. It says that even though a thing may already be present, until it is acknowledged and honored… it doesn’t really mean anything to anyone other than those who brought it to life.
Something about that theme seems to be in line with the energy of this new year. I feel it within myself and I see it among those I’m closest to. There has been much labor, much uncertainty, much work going on over the past 12 months – most of it very personal. There have also been some serious assignments given out – tough things. Things we were not ready to accept, but had to, because the assignment itself was the readying. We were called upon to mature, to become, to fulfill the promise of the generations that came before us, to be the vessel for something new. There was little time to lament, to cry out to the universe, ‘whyyyy meeee!!?’ When God says go up to that mountain and sacrifice your son, when he says you’re pregnant and single, but I need you to have this kid, you don’t say, ‘why me’, you say, ‘ready!’
But that part is well behind us now, and the new thing is in its infancy. Through our struggle, we have brought it into being. And now… it’s time for that thing to be acknowledged and honored. Your job, of course, is not to seek out honor and acknowledgement, but to nurture this new thing, this new you. To make your star shine so fuckin’ bright that them what’s got good sense can’t help but sit up and take notice of it. It may be some time yet before the rest of the world catches on to your magic, but that matters little.
So shine, my darlings. And let those who have eyes to see bask in your glory. Just don’t get too caught up in the temptations of fame.
Because we have much yet to do.
Celebrate Your Own Damned Season - A Different Way Of Celebrating For A Different Kind Of Growth
Each of the past year’s losses came with a gift inside. A jewel of learning and of becoming that calls for a different kind of celebrating.
A younger coworker was doing her best to convince me to go to the company holiday party. I smiled at each of her reasons for why I should go, but was not moved in my decision. Another coworker closer to my age who had been observing our exchange joined in... “You’re just not there right now. You’re not in that space.” She said it with such knowing, such easy acceptance that I was not only grateful for but comforted by her understanding.
End of year is usually a time for celebrating. Celebrating what you achieved, what you survived, what you learned, how you grew. I’m usually the first to call out to my group of friends: “Who’s hosting?” Or, “Who wants to come over for...?” during the holiday season.
But this year... 2019 has been a different kind of year for me. And I feel the need for a different kind of celebrating. This year was one of many losses for me and for several people close to me. The losses themselves were a shock, emotional bombshells each one. But each loss came with a gift inside. A jewel of learning and of becoming that the loss necessitated. There was gain and growth this year as well, but not the flashy growth and gain of here-and-gone spring annuals, but the unfurling of a few leaves and a slow, upward stretching and outward thickening of a central trunk - the decidedly unshowy growth of evergreens and perennials.
Celebrating that kind of growth looks a little different. It looks like more intimate gatherings with smaller groups of friends - people who appreciate leaves as much as they do flowers. It looks like quiet time alone to reflect and sigh and smile and cry. It looks like notebooks filled with lessons learned from moments of confusion and hurt. It looks like opting out of the company party to go to a neighborhood gathering where the conversations will be more authentic, the hugs inappropriately long, the food cooked by hands I know.
When I look back and recall the ways i chose to celebrate the end of this year, this decade... I believe i’ll be glad that I consciously chose to not just celebrate the season as dictated by calendar or custom, but as dictated by my own life’s season.
Today, another coworker sent a text, “You missed out on a great party...”
I replied: “I didn’t miss out. I chose.”
.
Does your job define you? 4 Questions to ask yourself.
One of my colleagues pulled me aside a few days before my first corporate exit and gave me a good word: ‘This place didn’t make you who you are.’
I seem to have made a habit of leaving good jobs.
The first good job I left was 15+ years ago. It was my first job out of college, and it had taught me everything I knew about business in the real world. One of my then-colleagues, a member of the group I’d secretly dubbed my SOWs (Successful Older Women), pulled me aside a few days before my exit and gave me a good word: ‘This place didn’t make you who you are.’
It was perhaps the best parting gift I could have received.
Jobs take up a huge part of our lives. When people ask who we are, we often respond with an answer that describes what we do to make money. It is very easy, then, to begin to associate your worth, value, degree of success, your you-ness with the job you have. Especially when others around you continually re-affirm that by saying things like,
About your decision to leave: “Why would you ever leave that good job?”
About your working a non-traditional job or freelancing: “You’re not working a real job now, so you must have tons of free time.”
About your side project or self-imposed time off: “That sounds great, but when are you going to get back to work?”
For some, having a job that defines them is a perfectly acceptable state of affairs. But, if you have a worry or growing fear that you’ve lost yourself in your job and want to change that, ask yourself these questions to start:
What are you doing for yourself outside of what’s required for your job to help you learn, grow, and be of service to those around you?
How are you investing in yourself in ways that are not solely tied to how you can be a better worker or employee?
What personal goals and desires are you postponing because they interfere or conflict with your job?
What other social circles or communities do you belong to that represent who you are and offer a place for you to contribute?
The work of understanding yourself, defining yourself for yourself and finding ways to express yourself and improve upon how you engage with the world is continual. It’s this work that has helped me realize both my innate value and my very specific uniqueness. Armed with this self-awareness, I’m less hesitant to leave a so-called good job, and less receptive to questions from those who question why I would.
Once you make the commitment to work on yourself as your primary work… you come to realize 2 very important facts:
No job or title can give or take away the value you bring to the table.
You. Are the secret formula.
Practical Lessons for Thriving in Corporate America
Using the geisha as metaphor, I share lessons from my 20+ year career as a management consultant in a series of poignant and insightful essays.
The experienced corporate worker will relate to these narrative slices of consulting and corporate life. Those new to corporate life will find indispensable jewels of wisdom to help propel their careers to the next level.
the little voice
The big voice is the one that is loud. you’re used to hearing it. It’s the one that shouts at you and likely the one that you listen to most. The one that tells you it has your best interests at heart, that without it you are nothing, that nobody loves or understands you like it does.
The big voice is your ego. Its only interest is its own self-preservation. It is the common thread of insanity that links all un-awake, unenlightened human beings. and it is seductive, soothing. So you are more apt to follow it. The little voice is much harder to hear. Mostly because it sounds unfamiliar to you. It says things to you that frighten you, sends chills up your spine, makes you run scrambling for the more brash comfort of the big voice.
But the little voice is you. your spirit, the you that existed before the you that came about as a result of hardening yourself against the outside world. The you that was before the well-intentioned but ill-advised conditioning of your parents, your schools, your lovers, your friends. It is the you that you sometimes feel uncomfortable seeing staring back at you from the mirror. It is the you that you are least acquainted with, but most enamored with. It’s the you that speaks up when you know you’re doing something you shouldn’t, whether it’s sneaking an extra cookie after dinner or sneaking off with your neighbor’s wife. It is the you that you would be if you were not afraid to be that you that you really are.
Some people have called the little voice intuition, or the sixth sense. But whatever name it goes by, you can pretty much bet that the little voice is the one that the big voice always, always convinces you to ignore.
A long time ago I learned a hard lesson. I suppose I should be thankful, because the lesson could have come at a much steeper price. The lesson? Always – not sometimes, not occasionally, not when you feel like it – but ALWAYS listen to the little voice.
on desire
A word of wisdom: never trust someone who desires you.
They do not think rationally. It is much better to be admired, respected, or even cherished than to be desired.
When someone admires you, they tend to emulate you or at least honor who they perceive you to be.
If someone respects you, they generally won’t do anything to or around you that would decrease the amount of respect they have for you or you for them.
If someone cherishes you, they treat you like a precious thing, something that they consider worthwhile and have placed a high value on.
Yet if someone desires you, they will do anything to have you. At first, that may sound like a promising (or even profitable) situation to be in. But maybe not so much when you look at it for what it really is.
Have you ever heard someone say, “I was out of my mind with desire”? Conversely, have you ever heard someone say that they were out of their mind with admiration or respect?
The reason people say they’re out of their mind with desire is simple: unchecked desire makes you do things that, under normal circumstances, don’t make any sense at all. Things that run counter to every bit of logic or common sense you have in your body. Desire is an emotion that burns hot and fast, in direct opposition to the ‘cooler’ faculties of logic and common sense.
Desire seeks the attainment of a thing (or person or state) not the maintaining of that thing – which we all know is the more strenuous part of any endeavor. It requires more stamina, discipline, and commitment to see a thing through than it does to start a thing off. A few examples:
You desire a hot new car, but don’t consider the monthly payments and high maintenance costs
You desire a high-profile position, not considering the long hours and/or life sacrifices that come along with the new role
You desire enlightenment, but did not consider that it might mean letting go of the world to keep it
Am I saying that desire is a bad emotion that should be rooted out of you? No, of course not. I don’t believe that desire is bad.
In being the catalyst that makes us do the thing that we normally we would not, desire serves its purpose. Desire determines the direction we will head in, but gives no thought for what will truly be required for the journey. Its highly combustible nature creates enough energy to get us started, to launch us off on a particular course of action. But the unskilled person foolishly believes that the existence of desire is all that is needed to justify acting on it.
If you desire something or if you yourself are the object of another’s desire, make note of it – keep it in the forefront of your mind, let it drive your mind’s wanderings and daydreams, but hold off on acting on it until someone older and more responsible (a.k.a. your common sense, inner Jiminy Cricket, right-shoulder friend, etc.) shows up for the ride.
“There is no greater transgression than condoning people’s selfish desires….”
-- Lao Tzu